


Enlightenment

by Quefish



Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [10]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is Confused (Good Omens), Based on a True Story, Crowley is Confused (Good Omens), Door-to-Door Religion, Gen, Light bulbs, M/M, Proselytizing, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23710996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: As Crowley and Aziraphale settle into their new life in the South Downs, someone unexpected comes knocking.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644778
Comments: 54
Kudos: 221





	Enlightenment

**Author's Note:**

> Adding art from the beautiful [BlueRoseArt](https://twitter.com/Bluerose_Art)!

Aziraphale was sitting on the sofa, reading while Crowley sprawled in his throne playing on his phone. 

_knock knock knock_

Crowley turned his head, confused and looked at Aziraphale. He could count on two fingers the number of people who should ever be at his home, and they were both already here. He shrugged and went back to matching up emojis. 

_knock knock knock_

Aziraphale was about to get up, but returned to his book when he saw that Crowley had paused his game and was headed for the door, slipping his sunglasses on. He and Aziraphale had only moved to their little cottage a few months ago and no one had ever knocked. He stretched out with his senses and decided there was nothing celestial on the other side, so he opened the door. He was greeted by a smiling family of three all dressed in their Sunday’s second best.

The father was holding a Bible with a smile, the mother was holding a small handbag with a smile, and the boy, who looked about eight years old, held a reusable shopping bag … with a smile. There was clearly nothing ‘Other’ about them, but Crowley was a bit unsettled anyway. Who walks around just smiling like that? Like bloody mannequins in a door display. Speaking of door display, none of them had moved or said anything yet.

“Err, hi.” 

“Hello, neighbor! The wife and I noticed you move in a bit ago, and wanted to come by to welcome you to the neighborhood!” Dad had a voice like a car salesman, a good one, but still a bit cheesy and eager to please.

“Yes, indeed! But we know that it can take time to settle in and unpack, so we didn’t want to barge over right away, of course!” Mom was just this side of way too perky, but not fake. She was genuinely just … cheerful. 

Crowley groaned internally. He’d need to keep Aziraphale away from this one, they’d get on like a house on fire … no, bad analogy. He shuddered and let his internal monologue try again. They’d get on like … two … things that got on well. Heh. Nailed it. He returned his attention to the family on his porch.

“We haven’t seen you at church yet, but wanted to make sure we stopped by to invite you to stop in. We’d love to have you be part of our family!” Dad smiled again, giving his Bible a little shake and squeeze. 

Well, damn. He and Aziraphale hadn’t discussed this possibility, but in hindsight, it should have been obvious that it would happen eventually. His instinct was to do something terrifying to get them gone. But these people weren’t jerks, they were sincere, and he could tell they were actually good people. However more than that, this was his home, he and Aziraphale had chosen it and it was where they wanted to be, so he restrained himself and thought fast. 

“Oh! Well, that’s uh, very k-ki-considerate of you.” He stumbled over the K word, but thought he recovered nicely. “But uh, well, we are … um … “ Bless it all, Crowley, think! “We’re actually Jewish!” 

Crowley smiled, proud of himself. But then he was concerned when the adults’ smiles got a bit brighter.

“Oh, my goodness!” From Mom’s voice, you’d have thought this was the greatest day of her life. “We simply love Jewish people! I mean, if you think about it, the biggest and really _only_ difference is that while we pray to the same God, you don’t really understand the importance and truth of Jesus.”

Dad smiled at her and gave a correcting sound. “I think that our new friend here would pronounce that ‘Yes-OO-ah’, dear!”

Mom beamed back at him. “Yes, of course! Yes-OO-ah, I’m so embarrassed!” She gave a small tittering laugh. Crowley decided not to correct their pronunciation, figuring it to be an exercise in futility.

Meanwhile, Crowley noted out of the corner of his eye that the son had neither moved, or stopped smiling, still just looking up at him. If the demon were being honest, it was starting to creep him out.

Crowley nodded politely and allowed them to tell him where to find their church. Then they looked down to their son, who stood up straighter, his smile proud, realizing it was time for him to do his part. He dipped his hand into the bag and Crowley tensed up. If they tried to hand him something actually Blessed or Holy, this visit was going to end badly.

The boy’s hand re-emerged holding the bottom of a lightbulb. He reached out and handed it to Crowley, who took it, confused.

“Well, neighbor, even if you decide not to come out to Church, we’d still like you to have this lightbulb,” Dad looked at him with that car salesman smile.

Mom picked up the second half of the sentence. “Because Jesus is the light that shines on us all. If you are ever lost in the dark, you can count on Him to be there when you decide to flip the switch of faith on.”

Crowley nodded and said thank you, and then watched as the family stepped off the porch and down the path, closing the little gate behind them before waving and calling goodbye. He went back into the house, dazed, holding the lightbulb carefully. 

Aziraphale looked up as the demon came back into the sitting room. “Who was it, dear? And … is that a lightbulb?”

Crowley nodded. “This is a Holy Lightbulb of Jesus.” He recounted the conversation to an increasingly amused angel.

“Well, good it’s not actually Holy or Blessed. That would have been an interesting moment to explain.”

Crowley nodded, still a bit stunned. “So, what do we do with it? I really don’t feel like we should put it in a lamp. Would we be able to withstand the power of a fully unleashed Holy Lightbulb?”

Aziraphale chuckled. “While the Almighty rarely makes house calls these days, I would find it difficult to believe She traded in burning bushes for LampCo fixtures.”

“Yeah, but if we are really trying to keep a low profile, I don’t want to accidentally turn on the Lightbulb of God in my sitting room if it was Blessed and somehow became a Heavenly GPS or something.”

Aziraphale laughed again, standing to take the lightbulb. He looked at it, felt about a bit. “No, just a standard issue bulb, I’m afraid. So, what should we do with it if you don’t want to use it? Throw it out?”

“NO! What kind of terrible luck would that be?! Throwing out the Holy Lightbulb of Jesus … we may never get wifi again! Or Chinese delivery would always be late or something!” Crowley looked scandalized by the very thought of tempting fate by tossing it in the bin. “No, we’ll just have to keep it. Not _use_ it, but we have to keep it. Somewhere safe.”

Aziraphale watched as Crowley hunted around the kitchen for something. He returned with a few supplies and gingerly took the lightbulb back. “We’ve got to make sure it doesn’t break, and we can’t lose it.”

The demon wrapped it in a paper towel and then in one of the plastic bags that always seemed to be around, despite never having taken groceries home in one. He took it to the hall closet, and set it with the other lightbulbs. The ones that would someday get used. Aziraphale continued to watch Crowley with a small smile. 

“What? I don’t want the Jesus Bulb to be lonely, it needs its own kind.” Crowley closed the closet and headed back to the sitting room, followed by a bemused angel. He sprawled back into his throne and started playing on his phone again as Aziraphale headed back to the sofa and picked up his book.

~~~~~

**Five years later**

_pop-crackle_

“Oh, blast! Crowley, dear?”

“What’s up, Angel?” 

“Could you bring me a new lightbulb, please?” Aziraphale frowned at the burned out bulb. 

“Yup.” 

Aziraphale heard Crowley rummaging in the hall closet before hearing a faint, almost reverent, exclamation. “Oh, shit.”

“Is there a problem, dear?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be back, need to head to the shops to get one. There’s only one left.”

“Well, just bring that one before you leave and I’ll get this sorted while you’re gone.”

“No. Angel, you can’t have it. It’s … The Jesus Bulb.” Crowley came around the corner with a serious look on his face, keys already in hand. “Don’t worry, won’t take 20 minutes.”

“Crowley, you’re not seriously going to _not_ use the bulb we already have?”

The demon spun on his heel and looked at the angel, very seriously. “No. The Bulb is not to be touched. Ever. Unless we are moving it out of the way to put more bulbs in the closet. But we never use it to replace a burnt bulb, alright?”

Aziraphale swallowed down his laugh and nodded solemnly. “Alright, my dear. Don’t be long then.”

Crowley’s serious demeanor vanished into a loving smile as he leaned forward to kiss Aziraphale quickly. “Back in a tic, Angel.”

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, this is a true story. Only put me in Crowley's place. There are minor alterations to the whole 'Quefish wouldn't actually have been harmed by a blessed bulb', but everything else is really faithful to what happened. 
> 
> I was reminded of it today because I am packing to move to a new place and I found The Jesus Bulb. I've had it since about '08, and it has carefully been brought with me every time I move. It is always carefully wrapped and safe with the other bulbs, and I have never used it. And yes, I did once go out in the middle of the night to a 24-hour Walmart to get more bulbs because it was the only one left in the house.
> 
> I present to you, The Holy Lightbulb of Jesus.


End file.
